Why Bars are fun and church is not pt. 3

or why churches need to focus on action, instead of purity

Despite bars being dark and sordid, they are gardens of conversation in comparison to the average church. When my wife and I traveled to Ireland, we went to many bars and many churches, and had many more conversations in bars than we had in the churches. I’ve found this mirrored in my experience in the states. When I’m at a bar with friends, we’re much more likely to make more friends. When I’m at a church with friends, we rarely make friends.

I had listed 3 reasons for this, but I think it actually just comes down to one reason. Social groups can be divided into two categories: those that focus on action,

and those that focus on purity. Let me give some non-church examples of this.

I’ve also been to many bars that contradict what I just said above. Where one walks in, and everyone turns to look at you, then proceeds to ignore you. It’s a profoundly alienating experience. At that moment, all the regulars are determining if you match the purity test they’re holding, and after a moment, determine you do not. The most recent occurrence of this was when I went to a VFW hall in Granite Falls, because my friends and I wanted to play pool. The five or so regulars at the bar turned, looked, and turned back to their drinks. They did not greet us. We did not match their purity test. I suspect if I came in wearing the clothing of a tradesman, or a veteran hat, their behavior would have been different. In fact, my friend who served in the Army had a very different experience at the bar. However, we came in slightly dressed up, and as such didn’t match their ‘purity’ test. Fair or not, that particular bar has its identity around purity, not action. If you match their identity markers, you are considered ‘pure’ enough to be socialized with. If not, you are an outsider who will likely be ignored.

On the contrary, I was just in a bar in La Crosse called Bodega, where I’ve always felt welcomed. I was asking if they had Green Chartreuse, which got us talking back and forth. The ‘social group’ of Bodega doesn’t revolve around any identity, it gets all sorts of folks gathering there. As such, it cares much more about action (how you treat the bartenders, your knowledge of alcohol, what you drink) than it can about purity. The ‘mission’ of these sorts of bars are to serve alcohol and socialize, and if you’re willing to do that, you’re welcomed in. I’ll note that I match more with the regular clientele of Bodega more than that VFW hall, but I think my point remains. One bar is focused on action, the other bar is focused on purity.

As I’m writing this, Christmas is upon us. Many churches are going to be flooded with people who haven’t been to church in a very long time, and it’s tempting to lean into that purity model of doing church. In fact, if your church doesn’t have a specific mission, it will by default become obsessed with purity. If a church has a mission, suddenly newcomers have something to do so that they might belong. I know of many churches that offer free meals, this is a central point of identity for the church. If a new person comes, and is willing to help with that meal, they suddenly belong. They are contributing to the mission of the church, which is action focused.

If there is no specific mission (ideally outward focused) than the role of who is in and who is out isn’t based on action, it’s based on their ‘purity’. Namely, how well they match the other parts of the group. Most of the churches I’ve known have accidentally focused on purity as their identity. Some conservative churches will purposely do this, but many simply say ‘All are Welcome’, and never answer the follow up question: to do what?

If there is a specific mission of an organization, this becomes obvious. All are welcome to be a part of making this community better. A trail building coalition will have its prospective members join for work days, a bar will see if people respect the other patrons & buy alcohol, a church will ask new people to help out its mission in the community.

If there is no specific mission project the church works on, the phrase becomes a bit more ambiguous. ‘All are welcome’ to be like us? To adopt our beliefs? To fund our church? To help with worship? This is why so many people feel like outsiders when they go to a church, they are. There is no obvious path for them to become insiders. They need to slowly become like the other members, it’s a sort of permanent conditional membership. I know a woman whose husband was the pastor of a church, and was in the community for 30 years, and still she said she was an outsider. The culture of that town and church were so focused on purity they couldn’t imagine any other way of being.

I don’t write all this to say I’ve got it all figured out. I’m still very much trying to live this out in my congregations, and figure out what our mission can be. It’s a journey that’s worth taking though, towards a church that focuses on action over purity.